ITS OKAY TO SPEAK OUT

This is a post that I never thought I would have to write, but unfortunately I am only one of the 25% of people that goes through what I'm about to blog about. So I thought I would raise a little bit of awareness about this topic, as I don't feel it is spoken about enough - and I think it deserves the time of day - and that topic is miscarriages.

So myself and paddy (my boyfriend) found out that I was pregnant on the 19th of November 2016. We were shocked, but we were over the moon. When we went to the doctors it turned out that I was only 4 weeks gone.

From the second I found out I completely turned my outlook on life around. It wasn't only me that I had to look after now. So I started to eat healthier, didn't drink and I did not stand anywhere near a smoker with fear that it would have an effect on my baby.

So the 19th of January arrived and we were so excited about getting to see our little baby for the first time. We did get to see our baby, but not in the way that we had hoped. During the scan, the nurse broke the news that our babies heart was no longer beating and I had suffered a silent miscarriage which never would have been detected. I did not have cramping or bleeding, and I still had all the pregnancy hormones.

Seeing our baby on the screen made my heart fill with joy, and when she told me that I felt like my whole world had been crushed into tiny little pieces. It was like she gave me everything I ever dreamed of and then took it all back in a split second.

'How could this have happened? what did I do wrong? is there something I could have done to prevent this from happening? - These were the questions going through my head and I started to feel guilty for something that I could have done nothing about.

I was then informed that this happened to 25% of woman that get pregnant. I was not aware of this.

It is only now when I tell people what happened to me, that I start to hear so many stories of it happening to different people.

I am shocked at how much it goes under the radar. I think people should be able to speak up about it. Its a heart breaking situation. You should not have to go through it alone, and unfortunately its only when it happens to you that you realise just how bad it is.

Its been 2 weeks since this horrific day and 2 days since my procedure to clear out my womb, and I still feel like there is a hole that cant be filled in my stomach. However, with the help of paddy, my friends and my family I am slowly but surely getting back to myself.

I had the support that I needed - and I think it is important that if this happens to other people, that they have the same.

It is a loss at the end of the day and the grieving process is necessary.

It is OKAY to speak out. It is OKAY to cry, and most importantly it is OKAY to try again.

Lots of Love,

Tammy

XoXoX

If anyone wants to chat please feel free to email me at tammctam@hotmail.com - or please just message me on facebook: Tammy Walsh

I can chat through snapchat @tammythetank