A POINTLESS BATTLE

This has taken a lot for me to type on my screen because I don't want to offend anybody and sometime my way with words is dreadful. I know that people have been in a much more serious situation than me, but I am probably one of the many people that have had thoughts like this, so here it goes ......

I wrote this blog as a girl who is a size 10 and who has never really been any bigger than a size 12. - I know that I am not 'fat' - but I have experienced the 'want' to be skinnier where I lost a severe amount of weight by cutting out nearly everything from my diet. I worked in a diet company, so I should have known that this was not healthy for my body, but I wanted to look like the girls I saw in the magazines, so i didn't care. Once I saw those pounds dropping off, there was no stopping me.

It all started when I cut out bread from my diet. I noticed that any bloating that I experienced in the passed had gone away, and I felt great. I had also stopped drinking anything else but water, tea and coffee. I stopped taking milk in hot drinks in fear that the calories would take the 'Skinny' feeling away from me.

I would go to the gym every day after work with very little food to keep me going. I was having a black coffee for my breakfast, 2 cracker breads with salad for my lunch and nothing in the afternoon. Now we all know that this is clearly not enough food for someone who is about to part take in a 1 hour workout, or anybody for that matter.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I went straight from the gym to dancing, so 'I didn't have time for dinner' - On these days I was eating little or nothing.

On the other days, I would eat the meat and the veg from my dinner, but only because my mam was watching me, and id have a small bit of potato if I saw her giving me the sly eye (She knew what i was up to).

Working in a diet company, I knew that my healthy weight was supposed to be between 9 stone 2 lbs and 9 stone 6 lbs - but I was now 8 stone 7 lbs. This was more than half a stone under weight. Lots of people told me I looked well, but its only when your nearest and dearest start to plead with you not to lose anymore weight that you realize that maybe you have taken it to far.

My obsession could have turned into an eating disorder, but I had a scare in dancing one day, and that is the day it stopped. I nearly passed out and my whole body was shaking uncontrollably. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was mortified!

It is about 3 years later now, and I am at my healthy weight of 9 stone 2 lbs. I eat healthy most of the time, but always allow for treats. No one is worried about me, and I can guarantee that I am happier now than I was back then.

Please if anyone is having thoughts like this, please talk to someone and get some help. If you want to lose weight whether it be a few pound or a few stone, please do it the healthy way. You don't want your obsession to turn into a disorder, and you don't want your scare to be life threatening!!

Your health is your wealth - and even though I hate that saying, it is very very true.

Look after your body, you only get one to last you your whole life.

We are all different shapes and sizes, so this need/want to be really skinny has been plucked out of nowhere.

Lots of Love

Tammy

Xoxox