ITS OK TO SPEAK OUT (part 2)

Well its been 4 months since one of the worst days of our lives took place, but it feels like only yesterday.

People forget, which is normal, but we never will.

It gets easier.

However, sometimes I I forget for a split second - only to snap back into reality just as quick . That pang of grief can hit me like it did when I first found out - sometimes only for seconds or minutes, but also sometimes for the whole day.

I often get a fright because I don't remember how it feels to be pregnant. I don't have the slightest memory of how my body felt - and of course it makes me feel guilty, but maybe that's normal? Maybe its a good thing because I can't remember what feeling I'm missing?

I find myself rubbing my stomach at night time before I go to sleep, in disbelief that a little mini person made out of love once lived in there, but then I get sad, because that same mini person's heart stopped beating in the exact same place.

When I see a pregnant woman, a baby, a buggy etc, I can feel my face going red. I don't get sad or angry, I feel embarrassed because I get jealous, which is not a trait that I would usually hold.

Don't get me wrong, I know loads of people who are pregnant and who have just had babies and I am over the moon for them! It is strange that the green eyed monster only comes out when its a stranger, but that's obviously just my way of letting off a bit of steam.

Maybe that's what this blog post is - me letting off a bit of steam??

So I encourage those of you who have had similar things happen, to let off steam. Whether it be by writing a blog post, talking to a family member/friend, writing in a Diary, punching it out in the gym etc.

It will do you the world of good.

I would also like to Thank all the people that have been there for me and paddy since it happened. I can imagine people who have not experienced the same thing finding it difficult to understand. I know I would have before, but you have all been amazing.

I wouldn't be back to myself (well nearly) if it wasn't for youse (Yas all know who yas are)

Onwards and Upwards :)

Thanks for Reading

Lots of Love

Tammy

Xoxox